After Being Mocked By Dems With Chicken, Barr Challenges Nadler To Cockfight

“It’s time to settle this chicken stuff once and for all,” William Barr declared, after Democrats insinuated the Attorney General was too scared to face the House Judiciary Committee last week. “Representative Nadler has smeared my reputation, so I’m challenging him to a gentlemanly cockfight.”

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Not wanting to be the chicken butt of any jokes himself, Nadler quickly agreed, and the two went to work putting together the cockfight in true bipartisan cooperation not seen in years.

While the cockfight is expected to cost U.S. taxpayers $24 million, many pay per view networks are promising to pay that bill themselves for an exclusive contract to air the fight.

In solidarity with Barr, Trump has dispatched troops to Venezuela under the guise of foreign aid, but Totally NOT Fake News has discovered that this is just a cover. Rumors persist among the natives of a monstrous cock, deep in the moist, dark, humid jungles. Known as El Pollo Monstro, the giant cock has been known to leap from the jungle underbrush to snatch unwary children from the fields.

The Democrats are engaged in their own hunt for the largest cock. Funded big party donors, they are financing an expedition deep to the Congo in search of the legendary Big Black Cock.     

“The idea of getting that Big Black Cock truly excites me,” Nadler said. “To feel it with my own hands, and finally stroke it would be a dream come true.”

Predictably, PETA and other animal rights organizations voiced outraged by the cockfighting proposal, lining the streets holding signs that read “Hands off that cock!” But as usual, everyone ignored them.

Representative Steve Cohen (D-TN), who is responsible for all the chicken antics, called dibs on frying and eating the losing chicken. It’s unclear whether his colleagues will honor his dibs or not.

Meanwhile, the committee’s ranking member, Doug Collins (R-GA), who earlier criticized the Cohen’s chicken eating as “a circus political stunt”, is completely on board with the proposed cockfight saying:

“We need to bring some civility & decorum back to this committee. Clearly this cockfight is the way to regain some respectability in the eyes of the public.”     

Attorney General Barr on the other hand appears to be having some second thoughts about the whole event. When recently asked about the impending cockfight that he himself called for, he merely responded:

“Oh wait. It means fighting with chickens? I’m so sorry… I thought it meant something else completely…”

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Corey Kealiher