Trump & Putin Launch A Line of ‘Alpha’ Cologne
“It’s the scent of Power, strength, and masculinity.” That’s how Donald Trump describes Covfefe, the biggest Trump & Putin collaborative effort since the election, and it’s taking the fragrance industry by storm.
“Don’t try to wear this if you’re not one of the best,” Trump stated at a Covfefe press brief. “If you’re not among the best, this isn’t for you. Go back to wearing Calvin Klein or Axe body spray with the other losers.”
Co-collaborator, Vladimir Putin, also spoke on what is being called a new line of ‘Alpha’ cologne.
“When a woman smells Covfefe, she is overcome with desire for her man. She dreams of her man swooping in and rescuing her from attacking Muslim bandits trying to rape her.”
The essence of Covfefe captures the dominant pheromones given off by Trump while he’s in the midst of heated negotiations, mixed with those of Putin as he’s fighting a bear to the death. It’s a potent mixture so volatile, scientists had to create a special bottle using secret alien technology from Area 51 to contain it.
“It’s everywhere”, says successful trader, Jordan Belfort. “On the New York Stock Exchange floor it’s all you smell. Weaker traders often pass out from breathing it in. We’ve had to drag them out before they get trampled by the real traders.”
The business world isn’t the only place where Covfefe is found, either. Nightclubs, rodeos, political events, and sports teams are just some of the other places being disrupted by the scent of Covfefe.
“We’ve had to put ‘No Covfefe Allowed’ signs under the ‘No Weapons Allowed’ sign on the front door of our facility,” said Cleveland Browns owner, Jimmy Haslam. “Most of our players & coaching staff just end up sick from it.”
The Surgeon General forced Covfefe to carry warning label that reads “Not for losers”, as it is known to have an acidic, skin melting effect on beta males, and Fake News journalists.
NotYourPrez.com as recently learned that Wisconsin Congressman, Paul Ryan was hospitalized with 2nd degree burns after trying to apply Covfefe, prompting his wife to second guess her marriage to such a beta loser. Completely embarrassed by the incident, Ryan now leads the charge in the House to have it banned.
“We can’t have this dangerous product on the market,” Ryan argued on the House floor. “It would be irresponsible of us as a legislative body to just allow anyone access to this product. Covfefe reform now!”
Trump met with Paul Ryan over his concerns, but shortly into the meeting, Ryan passed out from the Covfefe fumes.