Democrats Invite Eggboy To Join White House Press Corps

In the fight against right-wing extremism, sometimes you have to crack a few eggs. That’s the lesson we learned over the weekend when a breakfast wielding teen bandit emerged from the shadows to put egg on the face of a particularly loathsome Australian Senator.

The belligerent Senator, Fraser Anning, was shell shocked by the sneak attack, and responded to the teen like he would when his wife talks back to him – by repeatedly slapping him, and laying a giant goose egg to his reputation.

And the legend of Eggboy was born.

While Eggboy is currently serving a sentence of two weeks grounded with no Playstation, in his solitude he is enjoying a deluge of Snapchat nudes from supportive ladies the world over.

Following up on Eggboy’s sudden popularity, many United States Democrats are pushing to secure press credentials for him, and reserve a spot for him in White House Press Corps.

“We feel his expertise in dealing with right wing motherfucking politicians would be a real asset to the White House press,” said Rashida Tlaib (MI-13). “Eggboy is exactly the motherfucker America needs right now.”

Democrats are promising to supply Eggboy with all of the cage free, organic eggs he wants, and even reserve a throwing range for him to practice his egg pitching on life sized Trump targets.

Catching word of the press coup underway, Trump issued a stern warning to Eggboy in a two-part Tweet.

You better be walking on eggshells, Eggboy. If you cross me, I won’t be giving you those weak bitch taps Senator Anning gave you. I’ll take you over my knee and give your backside a taste of my $7000 Ralph Lauren Alligator belt…

So keep the eggs on your breakfast plate, or else I’ll come at your mom with some huevos of my own… loudly, next to your bedroom so you can’t sleep, and I’ll leave you with a little brother to who I will leave a large nest egg under the condition that you don’t get a penny of it.

At this time it’s unclear whether Eggboy will continue to carry out his brand of vigilante justice, or whether he will shrink before Trump’s threats.  

Corey Kealiher