Giuliani Now World’s Most Powerful Dark Lawyer With Discovery that ‘Truth isn’t Truth’


The practice of law has always been a mystery to the uninitiated. A profession cloaked in secrecy, driven by ambiguous legal speak, full of rituals, and carefully crafted verbal dances, it takes aspiring lawyers years to master the subtle intricacies of the art, before they can successfully preform it before black robed judges. Occasionally a power mad lawyer will tap into something so dark, that even those belonging to the mystical practice are powerless to stop it. Rudy Giuliani is the latest practitioner of the legal dark arts to summon legal powers from the depths that may well prove beyond his control.

“Truth isn’t truth? What the hell does that mean, anyway?” asked New York based lawyer, Jackie Chiles. “Of course truth is truth! That’s what makes it truth, and not a not truth! It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous!”

Others are not so sure, citing that the argument is brand new to the world of law, having no legal precedence from which to make the argument that the argument is invalid.

“With this argument, he will never be beat in a courtroom again,” said popular Springfield lawyer, Lionel Hutz. “All is lost!”

Those were his last words before hurling himself from the roof of the Yale Law Library. He survived with a few broken bones, and promptly sued the library for being too high. Totally NOT Fake News was on the scene as an angry Giuliani flew through the skies above the city of D.C. issuing lawsuits from his fingertips against any who dare challenge him, as well as lawsuits against the very fabric of nature itself.

“Gravity is currently under litigation, which allows him to fly,” explained attorney Saul Goodman, stuffing piles of banded hundred dollar bills into the trunk of his car. “Anyway, I’m getting the hell out of here. I’m going to South America to set up my own practice premised on the ‘Truth Isn’t Truth’ argument.”

After twenty-three state BAR associates were swallowed into the truth void, a conclave of some of the world’s most powerful, and crafty lawyers gathered to address the sudden legal upheaval. They poured over ancient tomes of legal precedent trying to find anything that can contravene Giuliani’s legal claims.

Attorney Scott Brown, creator of the legal concept of “Affluenza” that has been getting rich off from horrible crimes since 2013, led the gathering as they tried to construct an argument that can out-absurd the absurdity of ‘Truth Isn’t Truth’.

Also in attendance were over 100 Catholic lawyers with centuries of combined experience of keeping the Church well insulated from the most heinous of crimes.

However, the team quickly devolved into nit-picking, legalese among those in attendance, as they tried to unlock the logically illogical.

Meanwhile, Giuliani continues his rampaging insanity unabated, and unable to be questioned.