Melania Trump Glad For A Day to Fly Broom Without Judgment


The magic broom has been sitting in the closet since the election, occasionally used by White House staff to sweep up the back hair often shed by president Trump when he gets too hot. But today it finally leaves it’s muggle confines, and take to the skies. The First Lady couldn’t be more delighted. “It’s the one time of year I spend the day brewing potions, and then go for a fly on my broomstick without people raising a lot of questions,” she laughed in a way that almost bordered on a cackle. “It’s the first Samhain I’ve been out of the house since the election, and I plan on flying out to celebrate with my coven sisters.”

The Secret Service will accompany Melania with fighter jets as she heads back to her Slovenian homeland, where her coven remains hidden even after it’s 600 year history. Along the way, she will visit other covens throughout Europe to talk about the importance of education and female empowerment.

But many are not so sure it’s all just Halloween fun and games. Priest and veteran exorcist, Father Karras, called upon Catholics everywhere to prepare kindling and a stake for First Lady, and took to Twitter with some strong words:

                                                    @FLOTUS the power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!

“It’s understandable that backwards, unprogressive elements of society will take issue with seeing the first lady of the United States streaking across the sky on a broom, while wearing her favorite pointy hat,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “It’s all in good old fashioned, American family fun, but of course the liberal media will start throwing around phrases like ‘sorceress of the dark arts’ to discredit her.”

“I think a lot of people misunderstand our annual coven gathering,” the First Lady shared with Totally NOT Fake News. “It’s really just a girls night out. We exchange our favorite recipes for baking children, cast spells upon our enemies, put mascara on our mole hairs – just the usual girly stuff.”

President Trump meanwhile, plans to have a quiet night in, taking off his stuffy human suit, and basking under a heat lamp, while snacking on crickets and watching scary movies.