Night of Partying Culminates in Summoning of Cthulhu


On Monday, Trump visits the United Arab Emirates to meet with long time friend from World Wrestling Federation days, the Iron Sheik. WWF fans will remember the Iron Sheik’s hatred for America, and ongoing rivalry with American hero, Hulk Hogan. When the Iron Sheik called it quits in 2010, he retired to Saudi Arabia, where he was welcomed as a hero to Arab peoples everywhere. The UAE provided the Iron Sheik with an Iron Palace, a harem, and guardianship of their most prized possession, the Orb of Cthulhu.

Having received word of his old friend’s arrival, the Iron Sheik called an impromptu palace party to welcome the president and first lady. The first couple were treated to a tour of Iron Palace's many secrets, including it's vast weapons cache, the body of Jimmy Hoffa frozen in Carbonite, and finally the secured vault holding the Orb of Cthulhu.

Already several drinks in, Trump suggested that the Sheik’s party was “as low energy as Jeb Bush”, and suggested taking the party to the underground vault to summon the long dormant demon god.

The Iron sheik (pictured) initially objected, but didn't want to disappoint his his old friend. The Iron Sheik’s longtime manager, Hussein Abumallah (also pictured), was thrilled to take part in the summoning, hoping to draw new clients.

“I’m not just a manager for washed up wrestling stars”, Abumallah said. “I handle best talent, and Iron Sheik’s head-wear & cereal endorsements just aren’t what they used to be. Hopefully by summoning Cthulhu, I can land the best clients.”

Melania looked on, transfixed by the orb’s radiant beauty, and asked the Iron Sheik if she could touch it, too. “Sorry, woman,” the Iron Sheik was heard to say, “but you must be able to drive in Saudi Arabia to touch the orb.”

Just hours after the orb ceremony, a 12.4 magnitude earthquake was detected along the Pacific Rim, but the two events are not thought to be connected.