With Most U.S. Troops Overseas, Trump to Borrow Parade Troops From North Korea
They may not be well equipped or know how to fight, but North Korean troops are renowned for their ability to march in formation for hours without food or water, and without any one of the thousands of men falling out of step. Could they soon be marching on U.S. soil? Anxious to be the first president in history to put on a massive military parade modeled after the fascist dictatorships that have inspired him since childhood, Trump has been working closely with the Pentagon to make it happen. The biggest obstacle to overcome? The lack of U.S. troops actually in America for the kind of display of military might that would make all the nations of the earth tremble before him.
“The joint Chiefs will often sit in the war room and watch North Korean military parades via our spy satellites,” General Mattis describes with tears in his eyes. “Not a fiber on their uniforms out of place, the flawless execution of their formations – it’s a graceful work of art very similar to figure skating.”
Trump reached out to the North Korean dictator via the private “Rocket Man” line to strike up a deal. Kim Jong Un always answers his private “Dotard” line with the expectation that any day Trump will surrender America to North Korea.
Trump complimented Rocket Man’s new haircut. Kim Jong Un replied by saying a great head of hair is a mark of strength and virility, and offered his condolences for the giant bald spot on Trump’s head revealed in a viral video.
At that point, Trump cut the pleasantries, and a deal was quickly brokered. Trump would get two divisions of crack parade troops in exchange for three cold war era, decommissioned nuclear bombs.
To hold up their end of the bargain, North Korea rolled out their most state-of-the-art military transport plane, and launched their first batch of parade troops en route to the U.S. from Pyongyang airbase. NotYourPrez.com Totally NOT Fake News learned that the plane exploded just minutes after takeoff. The second transport plane made it as far as the Sea of Japan before crashing into the ocean.
Enraged, Trump realized they were never going to get their troops to the U.S., and censured Kim Jong Un for wasting all of his parade troops.
Kim Jong Un responded by saying his high tech transport planes could easily make it to Guam, and threatened to just use his parade troops to take over Guam while they were there.
Tensions continued to escalate until all negotiations broke off, and each leader slammed down their phone.
Trump is currently in talks with China for some of their parade troops.