Trump to FINALLY Visit Puerto Rico - To Fight San Juan Mayor


What began as a spat on social media has escalated into a challenge of fisticuffs by President Trump. Unhappy about San Juan Mayor, Carmen Yulin Cruz’s criticism of his disaster response, Trump took to Twitter calling her a ‘poor leader’, and ‘lazy’. When Mayor Cruz refused to back down, Trump had no option but challenge her to a fight.

“You and me, Cruz”, he Tweeted Sunday night. “5pm, eastern standard time, behind the remains of the school!”

The president felt unfairly attacked after his administration personally sent a box full of “Trump for President 2020” t-shirts, and a ‘get well soon’ sympathy card.

In a press conference, Trump demanded the media stop blaming him, and put the blame where it belongs- Hurricane Maria.

“This is what Hispanic hurricanes do,” the president insisted, “They come into your country uninvited, and devastate your economy. If Mrs. Cruz had spent more time building a wall instead of complaining, maybe she wouldn’t be in so much trouble right now.”

As Mayor Cruz continues to plead for aid from the Trump administration, the president took a break from condemning the NFL and it’s players, to mobilize a boxing ring, announcers, and television crews to set up in Puerto Rico.

"Let's just say, I'm going to rock her like a hurricane," Trump referenced the popular Scorpions song from 1984.

FEMA Director William Long was stunned by the swiftness.

“Never before in the history of the Federal Emergency Management Agency has anything been organized and implement with the haste that this fight has been arranged. Usually it takes us weeks just to organize a case of bottled water, but we were on our way to hurt on the job long beach Puerto Rico within 8 hours of the President’s tweet.”

White House communications director, Hope Hicks, spoke to Totally NOT Fake News about the president’s noble efforts in Puerto Rico.

“Growing up, we’re always told not to hit a woman, or not to hit someone with glasses, and she’s both. That’s how serious the president is about his job, and he won’t hesitate to knock out a woman with glasses for America.”

Mayor Cruz could not be reached for comment, as she was busy distributing supplies, and assisting with rescue efforts.