Trump Gives Mueller List of Forbidden Words Including: ‘Russia’, ‘Collusion’, ‘Election’, and ‘Lying’


Days after issuing a list of seven forbidden words & phrases to the CDC, the Trump administration nervously issued a similar word ban to the Special Counsel just hours after reiterating that Robert Mueller would not be fired. The list not only includes the words Russia, collusion, election, lying, but also the names 'Donald Trump', 'James Comey', and 'Michael Flynn'.

Trump issued the list of banned words as his legal team prepares to meet with the investigators later this week. His lawyers will be carefully looking through the FBI documents, ready to issue lawsuits should any of the forbidden words be found.

In a press conference responding to the banned words list, Robert Muller tread carefully as Trump lawyers sat in the back row with a buzzer, mercilessly filling the conference room with a piercing jolt each time the Director accidentally used one of the words:

“We are diligently pushing forward with our inquiries into what Mr., uh, president knew about the, uh, former security advisor, and why he fired Mr., uh, the former FBI Director. We will not allow this list to impede our investigations into possible collu- uh, connivance preceding the presidential vote between the president’s administration, and the, uh, eastern federation of Slavic peoples.”

Stunned by Mueller’s resolve, the administration promptly expanded the list of banned words to include ‘Slavic’, ‘connivance’, ‘security advisor’, but were promptly thwarted again when Special Counsel Mueller once again avoided all the words in a CNN interview.

“Damn! He’s outwitting us at every turn!” Trump lawyer, Jay Sekulow, was overheard to say by inside sources reporting to Totally NOT Fake News. An investigation into where Mueller’s new words had come from revealed a shocking discovery the Trump administration could never have anticipated - a thesaurus hidden away in his desk. Sekulow immediately decried the improperly obtained words.

“Not looking good. It’s not looking good,” Trump said when asked whether Mueller had come up the new words improperly. “It’s quite sad to see that. My people were very upset.”

Thesauruses are now also banned from the investigation team.

As Trump continues to focus on the investigation, the administration is already at work planning forbidden word lists for other agencies as well. Words like ‘pollution’ for the EPA, and ‘insider trading’ for the FEC.