Trump Look Alike Android Used For 9/11 Memorial Ceremonies
Top GOP officials gathered over the weekend to determine a plan of action ahead of Monday’s 9/11 ceremonies. The emergency meeting arose from a fear that president Trump would be unable to maintain the humble, solemn composure called for at the memorial events. “We needed the president to put away Twitter for a few hours, lay some wreaths, and deliver some heartfelt, emotional speeches,” White House chief of staff, John F. Kelley told NotYourPrez.com's Totally NOT Fake News. “That’s just not his style. But at the same time, it’s absolutely imperative that we remind our base why we’re taking away their rights, spying on them, and waging war everywhere.”
It’s a very real concern for the GOP. In spite of the “Never Forget” campaigns rolled every year, the sting of the 9/11 attacks are beginning to wane after 16 years. Patriotic fervor is down by 34%, and new 9/11 country songs have been absent for a decade.
To make matters worse, it was discovered that Trump’s planned memorial speeches were an Alt-right manifesto referring to Islam as ‘the enemy of all mankind’, drumming up support for his boarder wall, and calling for absolute power to ensure another 9/11 never happens again.
That’s when GOP leaders called upon the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), to find a solution. And fast.
“It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve come to us,” robotics expert, Professor Hubert Farnsworth shared with us. “Mitch McConnell has actually been dead for years, but the GOP was worried they were going to lose the war votes they needed, so we built the RoboMcConn for the senate. It’s an older model that needs to be plugged in every few hours, but other then that, works fine.”
Building upon the success of the RoboMcConn, DARPA researchers worked tirelessly through the weekend, and rolled out the RoboDonn.
“Well, it’s a vast improvement over the real one. It’s softer & kinder then the real Trump,” DARPA researcher assistant John Zoidberg observed. “Although it doesn’t exhibit perfect human emotion, it mimics 20 different emotions that Trump doesn’t have, like empathy and joy.”
Unbeknownst to the public, the RoboDonn attended a handful of 9/11 memorials, delivering warm speeches, and shedding tears for those lost on that fateful day. Even the president’s harshest critics were astonished by the humility, and solemn attitude of the president.
“I fell in love with him all over again,” said Melania Trump, as the RoboDonn gazed tenderly into her eyes aboard Air Force One. The first lady plans to keep the RoboDonn in her closet for date nights, and cuddling.
With the memory of 9/11 firmly embedded into the minds of the public for another year, GOP leader breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately went back to work giving the NSA, CIA, and Homeland Security even more overreaching powers, and debating what country to invade next.