VP Mike Pence Leaves Vegan Restaurant In Protest of No Steak
It was a remarkable virtue-signaling marathon for Vice President Mike Pence on Sunday, which began when he left the Indianapolis Colts & San Francisco 49er’s football game in protest of the protesting 49er’s players who took a knee during the National Anthem- as they’ve been doing since the Obama administration. The VP followed up his protesting of the protestors' protest with this tweet:
“I left today’s Colts game because @POTUS and I will not dignify any event that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem.”
His supporters cheered the move as a great victory for their cause in boycotting the NFL. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to care, and watched the game anyway.
President Trump claimed responsibility for the idea, and expressed pride in the VP's resolve in protesting the protesting players.
While the national media story concluded at this point, our intrepid journalists at NotYourPrez.com's Totally NOT Fake News continued to follow the story throughout the day.
Having never taken a stand for anything before, VP Pence was surprised to find that he had worked up such an appetite staging the walkout, and that’s when the next tweet occurred.
“Can’t wait to get some amazing food from this restaurant I’ve been hearing so much about.”
Pence's plane departed from Indianapolis, and headed for New York City. The VP expected some fine dining at a restaurant called ‘Avant Garden’, a well-known vegan establishment, where the he promptly ordered a steak.
It took the waitstaff nearly 20 minutes of slowly explaining to the VP that they don’t in fact serve steak, or any kind of animal products. Famished at this point, the VP finally changed his order to scrambled eggs, and a glass of milk.
After another 20 minutes of explanation and arguing, Pence left the restaurant in disgust, following up with another tweet:
“I left Avant Garden because @POTUS and I will not dignify any restaurant that disrespects our soldiers, our flag, or our meat & dairy industries.”
After leaving the restaurant, Pence found his way into a nearby church to pray for a country quickly sinking into degeneracy, with it’s protesting NFL players and meatless restaurants.
But the day of protesting would only continue when it became known to him that there were no bibles, or crosses to be found anywhere. In a fog of hungry delirium he had wandered into a Mosque.
“I left the Mosque because @POTUS and I will not dignify any house of worship that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our God,” Pence tweeted before returning to his plane.
From there, Vice President Pence decided to fly down to Mexico for some authentic Taco Bell, but yet again, left shortly after arriving with another tweet.
“I left Mexico because @POTUS and I will not dignify any country that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our language.”
Trump called the VP’s actions a “brave” and “heroic” stance for all things American, while taking credit for the day’s events, and promising Pence that he would leave a juicy steak by his water dish for when he got home.
The entire day only cost taxpayers $12 million, but energized supporters around the nation by hitting on four key points of contention: protesting NFL players, vegan hippies, Muslims, and people who don’t speak English.
Conservative groups are demanding a statue built in D.C. to commemorate the Vice President’s epic struggle.