Following Rainy Rally, Crews Work To Clean Wet Biker Smell From Golf Club


The upscale Trump National Golf Course played host to a “Bikers for Trump” rally, with nearly 200 bikers in attendance on Saturday at the invitation of Trump himself. Although the rally was intended as an outdoor meet & greet event, heavy downpours and flash flooding forced the rally inside the ritzy clubhouse, where husky bikers shook the wetness from hairy bodies. It was the closest thing to a shower that many of the wet bikers had had in weeks.

Inside the clubhouse, festivities began with a brief speech from Trump, who promised to put tariffs on the import of illegal drugs and weapons in an attempt to help American biker gangs compete better on the global black market. After the speech the kegs were brought out and the party began.

During the party, Trump was tattooed into the N.J. chapter of sons of anarchy, which covered over his Sons of Russian tattoo. The president also negotiated some peace terms and territorial disputes between some rival biker gangs.

Meanwhile, the fake news media that had arrived to cover the event were left outside in the rain, to be pelted with empty beer cans from drunk bikers. Only the Totally NOT Fake News correspondent was allowed inside - mainly because he had an eight ball of coke on him.

On Monday the clubhouse was opened once more to it’s regular wealthy patrons, who immediately began complaining about the wet biker smell. Unaware of the “Bikers for Trump” rally, some wondered if some stray bikers had somehow gotten in over the weekend.

While many of the golf club’s wealthy patrons are allergic to poor people in general, the heavy dose of biker dander proved too much for some. Totally NOT Fake News learned that several people required Epi-Pen injections, and were rushed to the hospital.

Cleanup crews are currently working around the clock to return the Golf Club to its original pristine state. But in the meantime, its patrons are asked to stay somewhere that will keep them safely insulated from poor people, especially those with severe allergic reactions to them.